How do I build rapport with anybody?

3. Avoid correcting other people in conversation.

A person who speaks in quiet, soft tones can feel steamrolled by a loud and boisterous counterpart. Raise or lower your voice until you notice that the person who you are talking to is actually paying attention to what you are saying. If your partner is a fast-talker, you may need to speed up, too.

In some situations, the other person may be talking softly out of respect for their surroundings, such as in a museum or church. Showing the same situational respect is a way to instantly build rapport.

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For example, if your conversation partner tends to speak softly when discussing serious matters, follow their lead if you have something important to add.

4. Listen to someone talking without always responding.

If the person you are talking to is more shy and retiring, then talking with them in a hyper or enthusiastic way could be overwhelming for them. Similarly, if you are talking with an exuberant person, then being very soft-spoken might lead to one-sided conversation.

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However, don’t go overboard in asking for help by making many requests or you may seem too needy. A good general rule is to avoid asking for more than you would be willing to offer in return.

If your conversation partner is standing with their arms crossed, then you’ll want to weigh whether or not you want to appear equally closed off before copying their posture.

Look at your conversation partner, or the entire group, to see if they are acting casual or more formal. Are their spines straight and heads at attention? Or, are they leaning in various relaxed positions? Mirror the formality of the other people who you are around to show that you fit in.

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5. Mimic the tone and volume of your conversation partner(s).

1. Mention an end to the conversation.

These are questions that push for answers beyond a basic "yes" or "no." They encourage people to expand on their previous responses. They also show that you are listening closely and carefully. Questions that start with "How?" or "Why?" are generally the best.

One day, I happened to walk past where my crush was with friends. Then all of a sudden they start laughing, and someone maybe him, goes "freaking (my name) with her freaking hair!" Can anyone offer insights into this? We're in middle school.

In a casual or social setting, you might say, "I’ve got to rush to finish these errands, but just wanted to see if you have any news about the Smith family."

You’ll also find that this helps to create natural breaks and pauses in the conversation.

This is a more subtle way to get in sync with a conversation partner. Observe them closely to see if they are breathing from deep in their chest or more shallowly from their diaphragm. Try to match the pace of their inhalations and exhalations.

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For example, if the person who you are talking to mispronounces a celebrity name, just let it go.

Let the other person say their piece and just sit back and listen. Show that you are engaged in what they are saying by nodding your head or encouraging them to continue at intervals. As soon as they pause, resist the urge to jump right in with your own story.

As a general rule, let the other person’s degree of disclosure serve as your guide. If they delve into personal subjects, then you can, too.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

3. Match the other person’s breathing patterns.

4. Meet the energy level of the other person(s).

If you push to become best friends instantly, then you will likely scare the other person away. Instead, enjoy each small step in your budding friendship and take your time. This is also important from a cultural perspective. Some cultures see it as outright insulting to discuss personal matters during initial meetings.

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This doesn’t mean that you must change your entire personality or way of interacting. Instead, try to strike a balance that lets you bond with the other person successfully.

For example, ask a co-worker to forward on that group email that you seem to have missed.

1. Offer a small tangible or intangible gift.

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If you’re in a meeting and everyone else is sitting up straight in their chairs, then scoot a little forward in your chair and straighten your spine.

2. Follow the other person’s posture.

It doesn’t really matter what the gift is, as long as it is thoughtful and positive. It can be an item, such as a piece of candy, or something intangible, like a positive reference. The key here is to create a deeper relationship. In many cases, your gift will prompt them to communicate more with you or even offer their own gift.

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For example, if someone is new to your office, you might give them a fresh set of stationery for their desk.

2. Ask for assistance.

Method 3 of 3:Developing a Relationship

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2. Be trustworthy.

This is especially important if you are talking with a stranger or acquaintance. Work into the conversation a mention of needing to be elsewhere soon. This will make the other person not feel obligated to talk for a long while, which will actually build rapport between you both.

Steering the conversation back to them demonstrates that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say and want to know more. You might say, "Could you tell me more about your trip to the Cincinnati office?"

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Method 1 of 3:Mirroring Body Language

There are possible exceptions to this suggestion. For example, you might want to intentionally linger if you are meeting with friends or talking with a client who has questions to ask.

1. Shadow the placement and movement of the other person’s hands.

Unless it is a very serious issue that requires an immediate correction by you, just give whoever you are talking to a bit of slack. If you correct every error, then you risk alienating others and appearing superior or arrogant.

Method 2 of 3:Building Rapport through Conversation

3. Build your relationship slowly.

Watch to see if they are hanging their arms loosely at their sides or frantically gesturing in the air while talking. Try to incorporate some of these movements into your own style. This might mean moving your hands more or maybe keeping them more still.

For example, in a work setting, you might say, "I have a meeting in 5 minutes, but I was wondering if you’d heard anything from human resources about the possibility of new hires."

On a similar note, being visually present by putting your phone away or focusing on one conversation at a time can help someone feel listened to.

Come up with a small task that the other person could help you with. Then, bring it up to them and ask for their help. This will make them feel needed and important. It may also lead to them requesting a favor from you as well, which can further build your connection.

If you promise something, no matter how small, make sure that you follow through with it. Better yet, communicate your timeline to the other person. Building rapport is closely connected to building trust. If you are trustworthy, other people will see you as "safe" and will want to spend time and do business with you.

For example, you might ask, "Why did you make that decision to move abroad?"

For example, if you are a salesperson, make sure to carefully describe your product so that the customer knows exactly what they are getting. Then, you’ll get repeat customers.

5. Intermix open-ended questions into conversation.

For example, if you are talking with someone who keeps their hands buried in their pockets, then mirror this movement.